When little girls spend their math classes daydreaming of weddings (instead of winning the World Series — not to say you can’t do both), what do they dream of first? The perfect wedding dress, of course: a gown in white satin with a bustle and sweeping train, the perfect embellishments, and the perfect shoes.

There are few occasions in our modern world where a woman finds herself in a position to wear a no-holds-barred ball gown, much less a crystal tiara, and all too many where she’s called on to wear to a neutral suit or uninspiring “biz-caz” combo. No wonder that with so many brides, their wedding plans start with the dress.

Many of these brides are lucky. They may search high and low, braving chilly department stores and pushy bridal shops, but eventually they come face-to-face with The One. They know this is The One because they start crying, or their mother or friends all start crying at once. Suddenly the rest of the planning … the theme, the tone, the right kind of venues … it all springs to life.

Other brides aren’t as fortunate. They’ve searched just as hard, working their way through shops across three or four states, but they haven’t found The One. Instead, they’ve found three or four Contenders, all of which are serviceable and nice, but not earth-shattering enough to tell them that now is definitely time to stop the searching and get on with the planning. These brides have it harder.

Even if you’re the first kind of bride, buying the dress is such a momentous decision that you run a risk of falling into that wallet-skinning category known as the Two-Dress Bride. Here are some tips for picking the perfect dress and avoiding that awful fate.

1. Bring the entourage, but don’t buy. It’s fun and useful to bring your mother, friends or sisters on the dress-shopping expedition. It gives you a buffer against an overbearing sales staff, and it’s fun to see if your impressions of perfection are shared by your loved ones, not to mention how they’ll love being part of such an important decision. But no matter how enthusiastic everyone gets over a certain dress, don’t buy in the heat of the moment. Give yourself time to reconsider and buy with a cool head later, alone. The vast majority of dresses are non-returnable, so when you’ve bought it, you’ve bought it.

2. Don’t buy too early unless you must. Bridal gowns can take four to ten months to come from the manufacturer, but there’s no reason to buy over a year ahead of time, unless your chosen style is going to be discontinued. Give yourself some time to sit on your decision. Once you pick a gown, you’ll see a hundred others nearly like it. You’ll become a walking encyclopedia on that style of gown. All the better if you still have room to choose.

3. If you’ve bought “The One,” stop shopping. Any more window-shopping at this point will only lead you down the road toward the dreary land of Two-Dress Brides. What you need to do instead is remember that blissful feeling of having tried on The One. Go get The One out of the closet, put it on and stand in front of the mirror. You’ll remember exactly why it’s The One.

4. If you’ve bought “The One” and can’t stop shopping, get a second opinion. Show your first and second choices to other brides. Be honest — tell them you’ve already remortgaged your condo for the first dress, but you think this second dress might be It. They’ll be truthful, too — the first one was better. You’ll feel reassured.

5. Don’t tell yourself “I’ll sell the old dress and choose a new one.” This old saw of the Two-Dress Bride just won’t work. You’ll never get more than a fraction of what you paid for your first dress if you bought it new.

6. Don’t hold out forever for The One. Some brides never find The One. What they do find is a few dresses they look beautiful in. If you’re this bride, try starting your planning from the theme instead of the dress. You’ll probably eventually get sick to death of dress shopping. When that happens, “good enough” really will be good enough. Concentrate on other aspects of the wedding that mean a lot to you, like the venue, the food, or the inevitable adoration of your soon-to-be husband.

Your daughter’s wedding is announced.  She has butterflies in her stomach and one thousand and one things to do.  Her “butterflies” becomes yours and your thoughts are racing just like hers.  You, as her mother, will help her plan her dream wedding, just like your mother planned yours.  At the back of your mind……”What am I going to wear? Will I look just as beautiful as my daughter on her wedding day?  So many people are going to be looking at me as well….”

Fret no more.  Here are the RULES but like all rules, they may be broken or should I say improvised and revised to suit you.  I say….whatever makes you and/or your daughter happy!

1.    Confer with your daughter.  She will come up with a color scheme for her wedding.

2.    Ask her whether she wants the color of your dress to complement her wedding color/colors or almost match it.  Examples of complementary colors to a red color theme is burgundy, wine, claret red, dark pink, and purple. As for a “match”, it would certainly be difficult to have an exact match of the colors, as your dress will be of a different manufacturer, style, fabric, and dye.  So, do not stress over this.

3.    You, as the mother of the bride, will decide on a color or colors, after consulting your daughter.  Suggest to her to be flexible on the choice of colors—perhaps two or three choices would be great.   Mother of the bride dresses are not made like bridesmaid dresses, the latter being preordered and tailored months ahead of time for the occasion.  Shopping for a mother of the bride dress can be a headache and nightmare rolled into one, especially for the plus size woman or if you live in a rural city.

4.    Do not forget to involve the mother of the groom.  After you have an idea of what color you would or should be wearing, inform her.  She will definitely appreciate that as she will be in a panic mode as well, going through the same motions as you will soon be, looking for that perfect “mother’s” dress.

5.    Shop as soon as you can.  Finding YOUR dress is important too.  Understand that you are shopping for a specific style that you like and look great in, a specific color, and then a specific size.  Then, you will need to allow sufficient time for professional tailoring of the dress, to get it to fit just right!  Also, what about the accessories like shoes and jewelry? You will be surprised how many ladies come to my online store  www.audreysmotherofthebride.com hoping to find their dress within a WEEK of the wedding!

6.    Shop bridal or department stores first.  You can get a first hand look at the styles out there and the type and quality of fabrics.  Do not ignore online formal wear stores.  Visiting an online store is easy and stress free as they are sources of good ideas of what you would like to wear on that special day.

7.    Take care of yourself in these nerve-wrecking times of preparation.  Remember, you need to look good as well, although it is your daughter’s wedding.

8.    Now, sit back and relax.  You have found your most perfect mother of the bride dress and have a few more weeks to spare.  Give yourself a big pat on the back!